Before You Speak

THINK before you speak. Is it True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, Kind? - Alan Redpath

(He got a good name also)

Bacon and Egg Breakfast

About commitment talked earlier, here is a story about it quoted by our TL in BSF earlier on.


A pig and a chicken were out for a walk one day when they happened across a very sad-looking group of human beings. “Gee,” said the pig, “I wonder what’s wrong with them?” “I don’t know,” said the chicken. “But I wonder if they might be hungry. Let’s cheer them up! Let’s make them a bacon and egg breakfast!”

The pig paused for a moment. “Hey,” he said. “I’m not so sure I like that idea. For you it’s a contribution, but for me it’s a big commitment!”

寧赴湘流

生命不外乎:疼愛別人,被人疼愛,傷害別人,被人傷害.我們只能盡力去疼愛別人,不傷害人.但沒有能力去令別人疼愛你自己,或防止別人傷害你.

我明白 神對我們無私的愛.
我明白自私的最終結果是不會快樂.
我明白世界需要多一點付出,關懷,溫暖,愛心,為對方著想....

但有時真的覺得,自私的人會比較快樂.
他們不用為他人想那麼多,
他們不渴求與人深交,
孤獨並不是一個顯露的問題.
對感情不用負責.隨意而行.
他們生活在自己的世界,需然虛幻,卻有短暫的滿足.

屈原既放，游於江潭，行吟澤畔，顏色憔悴，形容枯槁。漁父見而問之曰：「子非三閭大夫與？何故至於斯？」屈原曰：「舉世皆濁我獨清，眾人皆醉我獨醒，是以見放。」漁父曰：「聖人不凝滯於物，而能與世推移。世人皆濁，何不淈其泥而揚其波？眾人皆醉，何不餔其糟而歠其醨？何故深思高舉，自令放為？」屈原曰：「吾聞之，新沐者必彈冠，新浴者必振衣。安能以身之察察，受物之汶汶者乎？寧赴湘流，葬於江魚之腹中，安能以皓皓之白，而蒙世俗之塵埃乎！」漁父莞爾而笑，鼓枻而去，乃歌曰：「滄浪之水清兮，可以濯吾纓；滄浪之水濁兮，可以濯吾足。」遂去，不復與言。
(English Translation here)

Actually written in Nov 1999

My Idol

Watch this, someone that I admire.

Being a father is more than a total commitment.. it means you have to commit all yourself every second, plus, extending your limit for the ones you love. Not only your sons and daughters, but your beloved wife. To those fathers, they will know what I mean by "extending limit"

(click the picture for a full picture)

Children Church Camp 2006!

Here again, once a year, children church camp. The theme of this year is Exodus, yeah.. slave driving. Here are some photos of the camp. (Some more here, and here)
This year is quite tough, because the room has no air con. The heat and the noise (aircon room is more 'sealed' and quiet) made it very difficult to control the kids.. I guess my temper was being pushed to the limit. However of course, there were a lot of sweet moments, like little Emma went to uncle Stanley and said "I love you".

The camp actually let me experience how the israelites irritated Moses, hence... irritated God. How God was faithful and patience towards His people and took care of them. God is just so so extraordinary.

However, the conclusion is, let me know, how I irritated God. More accurately, offended God. Moreover, how good is God to me and the real meaning of "God is faithful and long suffered".

Thank you, Mr. God.

My Saviour First of All

When my lifework is ended, and I cross the swelling tide,
When the bright and glorious morning I shall see;
I shall know my Redeemer when I reach the other side,
And His smile will be the first to welcome me.

* Refrain:
I shall know Him, I shall know Him,
And redeemed by His side I shall stand,
I shall know Him, I shall know Him,
By the print of the nails in His hand.

Oh, the soul-thrilling rapture when I view His blessed face,
And the luster of His kindly beaming eye;
How my full heart will praise Him for the mercy, love and grace,
That prepare for me a mansion in the sky.

Oh, the dear ones in glory, how they beckon me to come,
And our parting at the river I recall;
To the sweet vales of Eden they will sing my welcome home;
But I long to meet my Savior first of all.

Through the gates to the city in a robe of spotless white,
He will lead me where no tears will ever fall;
In the glad song of ages I shall mingle with delight;
But I long to meet my Savior first of all.

Knowing Good? or Knowing God?

In the Sunday school teachers' retreat, the speaker said, "We are not teaching the children how to be good kids, we are teaching them who God is."

Totally aligned with BSF studies of Genesis this year, are we learning how to be a good person through the lives of those people in Genesis? Or are we learning what are the attributes of God, through His faithfulness and grace to work in His people's lives?

Who is/are the main character(s) of Genesis, or the Bible? Adam, Eve, Enoch, Noah, the Patriarchs? or God

If we do not know how faithful God is, how do we know that we are not faithful? Substitute the word "faithful" with every adjective of God, such as holy, loving, patience, wise, sovereign, you name it.

It's only the personal relationship of knowing God that made all the Patriarchs to do what is right in God's eyes.

What I finally want to say is, we sometime do not understand what means by a relatioship with God by "knowing God".

We do not know what "knowing" means.

P.S. Please don't argue about the first statement. I do NOT mean we do NOT teach our kids to behave well, I meant there is a priority only. That's my broken English.

Out of the Blue.... Yet?

I was in quite a deep depression the whole week. Every morning woke up by bad dreams. Even woke up by my own crying once.

Nothing/noone was able to cheer me. I was pulling some of my friends' legs by dragging them when they were caring about me. Adding onto me, I felt more guilty. Apologize to them.

It went on for the week, probably because of my work. Stacked up stresses plus my dean told me that although my teaching is excellent (he did use that word) but my research is not good enough. There IS some distance between my current research and their expectation. Unless I did some significant improvement, otherwise in two years time, I will lose my job. Yes, they don't care about teaching. This is the sad thing about universities, they are ranked highly ONLY because of research, nothing deal with teachings. Noone cares about teaching. So far if the teachers do not do crazy mistakes or do not strip in front of your own class, they can just stand there and read the books to students... to teach.

Deep deep blue is affecting me. Of course the same old questions are appearing again, "what am I doing here", "am I doing the right thing for God"...

Well, I am a sinner who needs help.

Stresses from ministries are also piling up. Fortunately BSF is ending. However, sunday school teachers have to go for a retreat this weekend. Bring my both emotionally and physically drained body, i didn't expect much in the retreat except please don't die here.

God is good. The retreat revived me, from death.

First, the speakers and games are really reviving me. My mood was uncontrollably returning to normal at the night when i was in the BSF DL fellowship.

The last day of the retreat, our pastor came with his weary body from Malaysia.

The sermon was good, it was about Abimelech in the book of Judges 9 in the Bible. How he decieve the people by imposing insecurity onto them. We are also affected by the world and told that we are finacially, emotionally, physically, whatever-ly insecure. So we need all those financial planning, slimming plan, etc to secure our positions. Pastor Chris helped me by pointing out a very important point: All these made us to forget God. This wicked Abimelech even killed his 70 brothers. However, one of them, Jotham, escaped (to Beer! what a nice place) and finally woke up the people about remembering God.

I do remember God, but didn't realize the world is telling me to forget Him, to forget that He can provide. It's a battle here.

I do forget partially in this modern days of Judges. Pray that God will remind and help me. Thank God for answering my prayer for encouragement through forcing me to go for the retreat.

Well, another week is coming, see if I will forget God again...

Abimelech means "my father is king" vs Jotham means "God is perfect". Isn't it asking about if your king is on earth or trust in God's perfect?

【念奴嬌‧赤壁懷古】 蘇軾 (東坡)

大江東去浪淘盡，
千古風流人物。　　
故壘西邊，
人道是﹕三國周郎赤壁。　　
亂石崩雲，
驚濤裂岸，
卷起千堆雪。　　
江山如畫，
一時多少豪傑。　　

遙想公謹當年，
小喬初嫁了，
雄姿英發。　　
羽扇綸巾，
談笑間、強虜灰飛煙滅。　　
故國神游，
多情應笑我，
早生華發。　　
人間如夢，
一樽還酹江月。　　

Baby blue

I am playing the game Kingdom Hearts II now. Reminds me of my favourite charactor, Donald Duck. Just thinking about it, my most favourite charactor is Xiao Ding Dong (Doraemon) All in the same color leh, including my favourite comics, Baby blue...

I am so blue.

Just for fun, my sister sent me this:

叮噹詩歌版

何用呆著等運到
愛主事奉多麼好
無窮奇妙當中歡笑賜我快樂神是最好
平凡人亦感受到
有主愛著我自豪
麻煩奇事都可交托只管專心在禱告
只雖要用愛禱告
奇妙就臨到
你睇 “恩典o黎啦”
基督呀，誰都感激您
我深覺自豪

Not again!

look the the middle portion of my personality chart....

Metaphor I


"After certain volumen of intake, you must produce enough output to the society and you cannot keep it to your own. However, you did not know if your input is helpful for you unless you judge your product by seeing if it is emerging to the surface or simply sinking. Since the input/output process is a life-long one, we must constantly examinate our product and check how solid and firm it is. Then we can divert our intake to make a better product.

One final word, do not always take other's product as input. Just devour output from others and reproduce the same substance is meaningless."

If you are wondering what we are talking aobut, we are talking about "Education" here.

Kitchenware

I could use one of these

Job 30:25

I got this joke from the internet:

A vacuum salesman appeared at the door of an old lady's cottage and, without allowing the woman to speak, rushed into the living room and threw a large bag of dirt all over her clean carpet. He said, "If this new vacuum doesn't pick up every bit of dirt then I'll eat all the dirt."

The woman, who by this time was losing her patience, said, "Sir, if I had enough money to buy that thing, I would have paid my electricity bill before they cut it off. Now, what would you prefer, a spoon or a knife and fork?"

After a smile, actually it made me fall into a deep thought.

How many times we gave other people advices without listening?

There was an old Chinese story but real in history in the West Jun Dynasty:

There was one big famine over the whole country. The people finished the tree skins and grass roots, even men eating men happens! Local officials reported to the Emperor Wei and he was really confused, and said, "Why don't they eat meat porridge?" (何不食肉糜?)

This Chinese idiom is popular in describing misunderstanding situations. When the emperor has the most luxary food everyday but his people almost have to eat dirt.

I am not trying to condemn people who do not understand others, please do not get me wrong. I think everyone will NOT know the situation of every other. However, we just have to be patient to get a more comprehensive picture of how others feel before we try to help.

A typical conversation when I feel down sometime:

Me: *Sigh*
Friend: What's up?
Me: i feel no energy in me and quite frustrated lately because... (interupted)
Friend: Trust in God and delighted in Him! Pray and put every trouble of you in Him. He is the source of blessings and will make you joyful. Remember that verse about eagle... blah blah blah

I do appreciate that it is from a good motivation and really a "correct" answer, but not quite helpful at that point of time.

I think I understand women in the way that, we are NOT NOT (not a typo) seeking answers to a problem, but NOT YET. True communication involves understanding in different level, including "emotional acknowledgement". In the old text of Bible, the word "knowing" is used in a lot of different levels, from superficial to deep involvement.

Where are the first two times the bible used the word "knew"?

And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. Gen 3:7 (KJV)

Did Adam and Eve not know they were naked before? It was a deeper feeling of the shame of sin and their experience of broken relationship with God.

And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD. Gen 4:1 (KJV)

It's not in NIV but in King James Version, "knowing" is always used as having sexual relationship. I am not getting erotic here, but I personally believed that sex is a gift from God that we can know our spouses better in phyical, emotional and spiritual ways. A good husband will not focus on the "techniques" or personal "climax" but eye contacts and communication (sorry I am NO expert in it yet). That's a form of knowing. (Just saw the movie "Friends with money" and mentioned eye contacts in sex. Important, right? I have no idea but I guess so.)

Especially in Asian education system, we know our knowledge by memorizing books and what teachers said. When we got an "A" or 100 marks, we were happy and thought we know enough. We never know enough for a relationship, no matter it is husband and wife or family and friends. We do not give a deeper thought in "knowing" (adding here, not even in academic knowledge. we'd never question why Newton's laws are wrong or -1 times -1 is 1. Mathematics IS a religion!)

A final word, our God is the best example to follow. He did choose to suffer with what we experienced and He choose to show us that He experienced it. (Isa 53, Phi 2:5-7)

"Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep." Romans 12:15

We cannot make others to know us, but we can learn how to know more about others.

"Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering." Heb 13:3

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

The Man's Ribs

Here is the recipes for the sweet and sour ribs. For 1 lb. of ribs add

• 1 soup spoon of Chinese white wine
• 2 soup spoons of Chinese black vinegar (鎭江醋)
• 3 soup spoons of dark/old soy sauce (老抽)
• 4 soup spoons of sugar
  

Just put everything in and cook for 20 min.

Yes, it's that easy.

P.S. For those who wonder about the title, it's Gen 2:21.

Deception

I watched an interesting video clip online. It was a short talk between David Zinczenko editor-in-chief of Men's health magazine and Kate White, editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan. David did a research of what men look for in a women and here is the list, in the order of importance:

1. Faithfulness
2. Intelligence
3. Beauty
4. Honesty
5. Good in bed

On the contrast, this is the research of what women think men look for in women:

1. Beauty
2. Confidence
3. Good in bed
4. Allure
5. faithfulness & honesty

The first reaction of Kate was questioning the results from guys were only that "they just said what they were supposed to say", my interpretation is of her hidden word is... "hypocritical".

Guys, what say you?

The host said, "If you are 25, you may want a 'hot chick', but if you are 35, you really realize what is important." Guys are not that dumb... although there are some....

I would say a lot of young guys may really go for looks. Mature guys don't.

According to David,

• %90 of men rate having wives as soulmate over amazing sex.
• %72 honesty > looks

David said, "no use to have a beautiful orchid if always worrying someone is picking it up"

• %60 beautiful face > beautiful body

Kate immediate protested that guys look for "curves". (That's why so many slimming program out there for women.) However, David said, "it's not the face, it's the eyes." I totally agree, the eyes of a woman reflects herself. Not only physically, but also their emotion, inner self. You can tell a lot from the eyes if a person is living in fear, ignorance, or wise, kind, etc. from the eyes.

Interestingly, Kate insisted in thoughts like, "guys like beauty", and also like women to be "allure", "mystery", and "excitement of women which surprise guys everyday".

I think she is not reflecting the reality, she is trying to change the reality.

For the first second, yes, a beautiful woman will catch a guy's sight, but for not more than 5 min, i.e., not for the life long time as a wife. "Beauty is fleeting"

For one night stand, maybe "allure" and "mystery" hook guys, but you cannot be mysterious for a life long commitment.

Excitement everyday? First, how can that be possible?! Even so, the guy may die from a heart attack one day. Excitement only excites people when it gets heavier and heavier.

Yes, for ignorant guys, they look for appearance. For mature guys, let's get real.

I used to serve in youth ministries and I told the youth. "How you attract is what you get." You dress as half-naked, you attract lusty guys. You talk wisely, you attract mature guys. As Christians, you live your daily life with a good relationship with God, you attract godly men. This is a matter of choice, you cannot attract a guy who got everything good things. There were a saying,

If a guy is handsome, usually he is a playboy.
If a guy is rich, usually he is not faithful.
If a guy is nice, usually he is already married.
If a guy is handsome, rich, and nice, but he is also faithful, not a playboy and not married....

.... probably he is gay.

Ladies, please wake up, don't read Cosmopolitan (or whatsoever magazines) anymore. Guys likewise, stop reading those magazines that give you a false image of the other sex and make you more dumb.

P.S. A final word... guys or girls, we usually don't want to grow up. So we stay at the stage of fantasy. That's why the commercials are so 'fantastic'. Wake up! You are living in a real world.
P.P.S. That is why I always sigh and quote two old Chinese verses:

1. 千里馬常有，而伯樂不常有
2. 路遙知馬力，日久見人心

(Interestingly they are all about horses.)

P.P.S What is your list?

晚禱

My Favourite Hymn

An Evening Prayer
Words & Music: C. Maude Bat­ters­by

If I have wounded any soul today,
If I have caused one foot to go astray,
If I have walked in my own willful way,
Dear Lord, forgive!

If I have uttered idle words or vain,
If I have turned aside from want or pain,
Lest I myself shall suffer through the strain,
Dear Lord, forgive!

If I have been perverse or hard, or cold,
If I have longed for shelter in Thy fold,
When Thou hast given me some fort to hold,
Dear Lord, forgive!

Forgive the sins I have confessed to Thee;
Forgive the secret sins I do not see;
O guide me, love me and my keeper be,
Dear Lord, Amen.

晚禱

若我今日傷害他人心靈，若我今日使別人走錯路，若我今日照己心意偏行，求主赦免。

若我今日言語不合體統，若我今日不關懷人需要，因此使別人受傷害虧損，求主赦免。

若我今日對人冷落頑梗，若我今日只顧貪圖安逸，不願堅守神所交付職分，求主赦免。

求你赦免我所承認眾罪，求你赦免隱而未顯罪愆，求你常常引導愛護保守。阿門。

Some Random Tests

Here are some test results from a site I got from my sister. Are they true?

You Are Cyclops

Dedicated and responsible, you will always remain loyal to your cause. You are a commanding leader - after all, you can kill someone just by looking at them. Power: force beams from your eyes

Which of the X-Men Are You?

You Are 10% Boyish and 90% Girlish

Even if you're not a girl, you're very feminine. You're in touch with your feelings, and your heart rules you. A bit of a emotional roller coaster, one moment you're up and the next you're down. But no matter what, you try to be as cute and perky as possible.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system. And while this may not seem big, it can be. It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes. You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Peace in my heart, ... but from where?

There are times in our lives that we are not confused nor troubled. We experienced peace and we are contented. However, I read this today when I am doing my QT. Quoted from Oswald Chambers in his My Utmost for his highest:

"There are times in our lives when our peace is based simply on our own ignorance. But when we are awakened to the realities of life, true inner peace is impossible unless it is received from Jesus."

How true it is that sometime we are just ignorant and treat it as the peace Jesus gave. Just because we are lazy, or not striving forward, we do not want to deal with our own problems and weakness so we ignore them. Being idle (in mind or in action) is not a sin (..I guess), but sometime it is a symptom of some hidden sins, most likely laziness, or being lukewarm towards God. Of course, the peace is disturbed when others rebuke us.

Especially ignorance of our own sins, I guess it is the most common mistakes we made. We know that God has mercies. However, every sin has its consequences no matter how small, or how unrelated to others, or how hidden it is. Did you leak out a secret to others without someone's permission? Did you sit in front of the computer and surf on some websites you shouldn't read? Did you speak of someone else without respecting him/her and the truth, i.e. gossiping? Of course we have our Jesus to pay for our price, but usually people just skip the seriousness of sins and then ignore the sin. Paul said,

"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?" Romans 6:1

Are we doing that? Really, that is a question we usually skipped although we know that we are sinners and we know God paid for the price and we are forgiven. But, are we living a life with sins without repentance and using Jesus's death as a token to pay off our fines? Is our life goals pleasing God, loving God, and glorifying God?

Do we just have the peace that is NOT from Jesus because we ignore our sin, ignore God, ignore God's ultimate purpose on us (We all have the same one, you don't know what this goal is?).

Ebenezer

"不思量。自難忘。...塵滿面，鬢如霜。夜來幽夢忽還鄉。...明月夜，短松岡。"

Time flies, I have left Hong Kong for ten years, remembering the flight at that time was on 19 Aug 1996. At that time, I still remember that I cried at the Seattle airport like a baby when I called home. I really did say "I wanted to go home NOW" when waiting for the connection to Illinois. Still remember that when my flight landed at Urbana-Champaign, I was shocked by the emptiness of the place. Namely, within 100 miles of surrounding, it was pitch dark (10pm) and I did not see any light or buildings. Strong fear creeped me in such a deserted place. "How many months does it take for them to discover my corpse if I died?" I wondered. Thoughts are always about if I had made a wrong decision to leave HK.

"今天我寒夜里看雪飄過
懷著冷卻了的心窩飄遠方
風雨里追趕霧里分不清影蹤
天空海闊你與我可會變(誰沒在變)
多少次迎著冷眼與嘲笑
從沒有放棄過心中的理想
一剎那恍惚若有所失的感覺
不知不覺已變淡心里愛(誰明白我)" 海闊天空 Beyond.

So many times I sat by the windows (I don't mean MS Windows), watching the snowflakes falling with a hot ... not chocolate, usually noodles or my self-cook mono meal, wondering what am I doing here. Sometime with tears, and later learned to have silly smile by myself.

"從前傻頭小子　現已大個更深近視
但已練成能往心內奔馳
而旁人仍不歡　罵我自滿以心做伴
但我任人胡說　只是旁觀"

Ebenezer, "Hitherto hath the LORD helped us".

Thank God for all the providence and love, guidance and discipline, protection and giving me a lot of loving friends. The changes and molding for my personality are totally different if I stayed in Hong Kong.

Well, I don't know how well I have been doing for these ten years. I hope I won't break down.

After ten years in Moab, Ruth and Naomi went back to Israel when all the husbands died. (Ruth 1:4)
After ten years in Canaan, Abram could not wait anymore and took Hagar to have Ishmael. (Gen 16:3)

What is the goal for the next ten years?

Birthday Resolutions

1. Give thanks to God more, complain less
2. Praise God's goodness more, request less
3. Serve more, idle less
4. Care more, anger less
5. Think + feel more, yield less
6. Others more, self less
7. Trust more, worry less
   

Grant Sharing

Last year I shared this song in BSF. (The feed back is, I'd better don't sing)

(In the tune of "Top of the world")

After “intro” I added in my name
The length of waiting list is simply not the same
Waiting for one whole year, and at last I am here
I would better don’t be 3 times absentee.

Such a feelin’s comin’ over me
There is “challenge” in most homework I see
Not a clue in my mind, Got the tears in my eyes
And I won't be surprised if it's a dream

Chorus:
I’m in the discussion answering the “personal” question
I’m the only one who does it I can find
And my DL’ve also found, he winks at me round and round
So I look down and ignore the whole world

First year is hard enough that I find
Until the ‘minor prophets’ make me change my mind
One question will be “skim chap 1 to 43”
So I became a DL and hope it’s more easy

Everything I want my group to be
Is that they are nice and they don’t bully me
And my prayer is clear, and I find God does hear
My members are the cutest ones that I’ve seen

Chorus:
I’m in the discussion group asking, for A.S.K. questions
And the prayer answers we can find
God’s so good that we’ve found, He is faithful every round
His love’s put us at the top of the world

Mathematical Genealogy

My ancestors:

Joseph Louis Lagrange

(1736 – 1813)

Jean-Baptiste Joseph Fourier

(1768 – 1830)

Gustav Peter Lejeune Dirichlet

(1805 – 1859)

C. Felix (Christian) Klein

(1849 – 1925)

Philipp Furtwängler

(1869 – 1940)

Nikolaus Hofreiter

Edmund Hlawka

Hermann August Maurer

Herbert Edelsbrunner

ME!

By the Mathematics Genealogy Project

Perfectionist

In my class (not in my university, but in my sunday school), we have this 4 year old kid who is very smart and nice (he probably knows more bible than some adult christians today). Last Sunday, we colored some pictures and he did it wrongly. So my partner told him that it doesn't matter but he insisted to correct it. So we gave him a new sheet and let him redo it again. However, time is up and we let him to take home to finish.

However, he cried when he came out of the classroom! He said that he had to do homework at home... Luckily we spotted it and also explained to his parents why he cried... aiyo... no sweat. Otherwise we don't know how his parents would have think that we bullied him...

Well, it's always a big question if we have to do our best, or not our best.. In life, sometime we stressed ourselves too much, and sometime we feel guilty of not giving our best.

God helps us please.

Too Sharp

Yesterday, we went to JB , Malaysia for a day trip. Well, the ladies went for shopping, me and another guy got nothing to do and wondered in the shopping mall. Finally we sat down and had a good guy talk.

He is older than me, and definitely wiser. We talked a lot, especially about my "non-existing" relationship. We got the conclusion that I am too sharp to communicate, maybe that's the failure of my relationship with other girl..., including my sister. I am too sharp to spot problems, too sharp to speak, too sharp to word exact meaning. It's so hard for others to talk with me... Although I tried my best to word my sentence gently.. but the fact is still revealing and the truth is still hurting. I guess it's because my profession trains me well in giving proofs and arguement, maybe I am like Paul.

I just hope to build a Christian family that bases on God's Words and guidance. It does not mean there is no love element. I strongly believe that love is built on truth. If there is no truth, then we are not sinning and Jesus' sacrifice is worthless, thus, His love is nothing.. We are loved because He is willing to choose 'love', without trading off truth. So Jesus had to do in the hard way, dying with humiliation that He didn't deserve. Well I guess we try to get around with it for the easy way. When the truth is not revealed, there is nothing to change and nothing wrong...

Then how to be loving upon truth depends on wisdom, I will say divine wisdom. Anyway, it's too far for me to say these now.

However, in Proverbs, it says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." I guess people just don't like the heat and conflicts that hurt. However, I cannot stand myself to be rusty and blunt. I guess that is where sin comes from. When Abraham was blur and had a son with Hagar by Sarah's suggestion, also you can name so many examples in the Bible when we do not remind each other because of fear and cause problems.

Jesus told us to remove the plank of our own eyes first, but He did told us to remove the speck of sawdust from our brother at last. I guess accusing others of 'judging' is abused sometime. Yes, we should not judge others, but we should remind each other to live a godly lives. We are responsible for others as well.

"The spiritual man makes judgments about all things."

Shower Diagnosis

I usually do many things together in my shower in the morning, such as brushing teeth. I can tell my mind is not in condition when I...

1. Put bathing soap onto my head as shampoo
2. Squeeze conditioner onto my tooth brush
3. Scratch the tooth brush onto my face and discovered that it is not the shaver
   
4. Come out drying my hair and discover that I haven't washed away the conditioner

Usually I am out of my mind or really burdened with some thoughts if those happen.

5am

Dad came to Singapore to visit me, under the Queen's command to take care of me. This morning, he was going back to Hong Kong and I sent him onto a taxi at 5am, and all is still dark. I really missed him and stand there for about 5 min after he got on the taxi and left. Remind me of "背影".

Everything is still dark.

Shall We Love?

What do you mean by "falling in love"? A romantic exchange of eye sights? Passionate hugs (usually the next scene is on the bed in movies)? A heartily conversation?

Sigh... nowadays all about love is "making myself happy". When someone says "I love this!", it means he 'likes' it. We are abusing the word 'love'. Even in worship, when is the time you think you gave the best worship? Some Christians will say "when I am totally immersed into the atmosphere and tear because I feel the love of God and His presence is so near me."

Sigh..., self feeling again.

Well... it is not wrong to feel God's presence, enjoy His majesty and touched by His love. However, that is only the primitive beginning, worshipping is giving God what He deserve ...

"Have you ever been driven to do something for God not because you felt that it was useful or your duty to do so, or that there was anything in it for you, but simply because you love Him? Have you ever realized that you can give things to God that are of value to Him? Or are you just sitting around daydreaming about the greatness of His redemption, while neglecting all the things you could be doing for Him?"

"If what we call love doesn’t take us beyond ourselves, it is not really love. If we have the idea that love is characterized as cautious, wise, sensible, shrewd, and never taken to extremes, we have missed the true meaning. This may describe affection and it may bring us a warm feeling, but it is not a true and accurate description of love. " - Oswald Chamers. (My Ulmost Highest)

I call "love is ignorant" if we do not excercise God's given Spirit of Truth, and "love is shallow" if we do not give anything that hurts us.

BTW, according to the Bible, actually we cannot call the above 'love', Paul said:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. " 1 Cor. 4-7

Being "patient" is when someone pissed you off again and again and again , and again (7 x 77 times) but you still undertand. Being kind is givng others what they do not deserve and you actually do not have to give at all. Love DOES NOT delight in ANY evil but rejoices with ALL truth. I think I am not adding new things into the Bible, but the existential descriptors (as a mathematician's bad habit) remind us that love does not come with homosexuality or premartial sex. Anyway, I guess we already cannot call ourselves loving at this point already...

Love without obeying God is lust. Sins strip us off from God's glory.

The world is fallen, really.

Rubbish I

Snowflakes fly, snowflakes float,
Drifting while the wind blows.
Where to land? Where to go?
We cannot tell and nobody knows.

Fall on grasses, fall on a window.
But will not last until tomorrow.
Hopefully dirty floor is not the goal,
Being trampled and melted in sorrow.

Snowflakes with you, snowflakes with me.
A warm company like honey and bees.
They come, they leave.
I cannot keep them but only can see.

Sometime I wonder in my bed,
Especially when I'm lonely and sad,
"When will a snowflake fall on my head?"
Maybe I should ask my meow meow cat,

Taxi Theology

In Singapore, I love to take taxi because it's so cheap. From the far west end of singapore to the other end in the east, it will only take about S$20. Why should I buy a car?

Well, since I am not local here, the smart taxi drivers realise my accent and sometime they will do something funny. Some of them are quite cunning especially in non-rushing hours, when they do not have many customers. Once, there was one taxi driver who took me a big round with the high way. Finally, the fee was more than %50 more than usual, I felt cheated.

So, sometime I am nervous on a taxi. My emotions on taxi can be.... tensed and stressed, because I need to direct the route. Or sometime it's "pai seh" (Singlish, meaning "shy"or a sense of "shame") since my directions can be very complicated. Of course, the worst feeling will be at getting annoyed when the taxi driver insists to go for the longer way. I will feel cheated and "I will never take your taxi again" (Well it's hard to take his taxi again anyway.)

However, why am I got pissed just because of a few dollars?!?!

When I think about it, actually it's only such a small amount of money (and sometime the longer route maybe faster). I like to study my own emotions usually and I found myself very calculating. Upon reflection, I am so blessed already with all my family, jobs and friends, why should I care about a few dollars.

I guess sometime my life is like that also. Namely, because of some mistakes others made, I will get very annoyed. Although I do not lost my temper, but the 'debt' is pinned in my heart. I will not yell at people, but I will feel uneasy. Normal human responses? However, Jesus taught us,

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

I don't know if I need to keep an account of 77 times of taxi rides, but in my life, better remember our Lord's grace from time to time. We are forgiven, again and again. I know someone may take it as a command that we need to forgive others. However, I guess it's a natural result if we really understand the forgiveness from God and the price paid by Jesus's humiliation and His horrible death. Just want to say, I didn't realize how much He gave when I was a young Christian. Probably I do not understand and appreciate it fully now. But after I realize more, I know Jesus did not just "die and resurrect". He gave all He could give and it DID hurt Him.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." Jim Elliot October 28, 1949

It always reminds me about the movie Babette's Feast, when the servant gave all she could have given. Do I ever give ALL I could give to someone? NEVER. I wish I will have the chance to do that for my future wife and children. Well, I cannot do that now but God did that for my sins. And the question is, am I going to calculate what others have done to me?!?! no matter big or small?

"Love is ... not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs."

So, next time we are on a taxi, remember that we are under the grace system. Upon receiving such grace, our life direction should be totalled re-aligned.

Pride and Prejudices

Such a nice movie, I was attracted by it from the beginning all the way to the end. (I am talking about the 2005 version.) The movie is no doubt well made.

I was especially amazed by the English. So thoughtful, even it's arguing, apologising, or being angry. Of course Elizabeth in the movie is so ... I called her "elegantly sharp". It shows that our comtempory conversation is so empty and without thinking, non-edifying and self-centered, dont' even mention about manner and being a gentleman..

"I know, I mean I thought a "gentleman" was somebody that owned horses. But it turns out, his short and simple definition of a lady or a gentleman is, someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible. " From Blast from the Past

Trust and Obey
Lyrics: John H. Sammis, Music Daniel B. Towner

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

Refrain

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

Refrain

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross
But is blessed if we trust and obey.

Refrain

But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Refrain

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet.
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way.
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

Refrain