Getting Stucked II
Interestingly, the first article of "Getting Stucked I" got a lot of responses, from comments, emails, msn, etc.... However, most responses asked me who are that 'one girl' that I was talking about... @_@ The main point of that is actually about the acts and my feeling of unfairness, not about who was that girl.. There are a few things I really really hate in my life. In a word, I really hate people who do what 'they see fits' in relationship. (Recently, I got a friend who broke up with his engaged girl friend and already engaged another girl within half a year.)
Although 'courtship' is not a life time commitment as marriage, I still believe there is some commitments ( or game rules, I use the word 'game' doesn't means treating it playfully, I just mean it's some rules like games of soccer, (American) football, tennis, etc. ) In a courtship, I think the rule is that the 'couple' should not consider others at the moment of dating. It sounds simple? See what I saw in real life, even from so called good Christians (or even 'spiritual' leaders)
I saw someone seducing others even he/she got a bf/gf.
I also saw someone seduce others who got bf/gf.
I saw people changing 'targets' six times in a year...
.... or approaching a few in the same time.
These are real stories and not imagination or exaggeration. In this age, loyalty to your bf/gf is a sin. Self interest is the first thing to be satisfied. Who makes me happy or who is better and I will hop on him/her and leave my current one alone, and sorry, I will not consider others' feeling.
Sorry that I don't mean I am a saint in relationships. I was also not doing good in the past. However, at least I consider others' feeling and refrain from doing anything that may hurt others at my very best. I just feel very unfair when I saw those who do not follow 'principles' or guidelines can be merried and married. I just completely feeling stupid for myself. Maybe I should be a jerk.
For those who are already in a relationship, I urge you to keep your mind clean and be kind to your bf/gf, even though the other party is extremely bad to you. Once you are in a relationship, having the thought of someone else maybe better is a poison, and it's not what God will like. Yes, there maybe some others can help you to glorify God more or help in your godiness. But, sorry, you are already in one relationship and thinking about another girl/boy is a betrayal to your current one, even it's JUST a relationship but not marriage. You may really decide to leave your current one, and WAIT for sometime and then go for the one who is 'better'. Changing your date immediately will hurt your old ones in a way that you cannot imagine (And you will not imagine or don't even care because you already WANT the other one) Once you had this kind of betrayal, I guess you may be subconciously afraid of that the same thing will fire back to you. Insecurity will definitely drive you into insane acts, like premarital sex, pre-mature marriage, etc (taken from books, 'intimate allies', '怎可以一生一世')
"In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as he saw fit." Judges 21:25
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Personal
6 comments:
i used to be naively think that "Christian" are different when dealing with relationship, that they would be faithful to only one... but sadly, you're right... not just guys, girls are the same in a way. but, getting married doesn't mean the guy had changed. i worried for those who married to those men. i find it difficult to have respect for people like that, no matter how "spiritual" they are...
c'mon, you aren't being a jerk. that's the problem with this world. the REAL jerks make the non-jerks feel like they are jerks!!!
blue cheese & chocolate, I totally agree with you. Most of the time things don't work out between couples, married or not, is that our sinful nature takes precedence over God's precepts in our lives. Afterwhich, even if the individual moves on with his or her life, he or she will still have to face the consequences of the decisions he or she made. Acceptance and forgiveness is required from the next partner if a relationship is to be pursued. Sadly for some, they might not even get a chance to experience another relationship.
Well.. the hard part is , I just feel stupid and unfair.
When I was young, there was a game of 'guessing what was the reason'. The hint is, "A man went down to a bar and saw another man. When the first man saw the other man's arm, the first shoot the second one."
The game started with this and the players can ask any questions but the host can only answer 'yes', 'no' or 'not related' to the story. The aim is to figure out what happened.
The answer is, in the past, they were friend, the one was killed is a doctor. They were all starved and everyone agreed to cut off his left arm. Thye make a vowel but the doctor didn't cut his own off and it was not discovered until today. That was the reason why the first guy kill him.
Although there was a difference in degree, but I guess it's similar to the feeling of the elder son and the 'came earlier' labour in Jesus parables.
I personally was also betrayed before by people I trust. In fact, the deeper the trust, the more the hurt.
Before I believe, used to want to repay the hurt done to me. Sometimes this involve hurting myself to get back at them.
After I became a Christian, really it was relying on constant prayer to bring me through every betrayal and disappointment from people. And so far, God is faithful to heal every hurt I've gone through.
In BGRs, it appears the same, relying on God to heal every hurt that had ever happened, no matter how unjust it was to us. On our part, it is to look at the people in our lives with fresh eyes, not to carry past emotional baggage but simply to relate to them as they are.
Tough I know, but we have God Himself living in us. :)
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe...
Continue to follow His commands and claim His promises! Shine for Jesus!
I regretted the decisions that I made in the past. It's difficult to forgive oneself, let alone forgive the one who betrayed/sinned against you. It took me a while too, prayer, encouragement from friends and seeking God's forgiveness and reassurance from His Word. And yes, our God is Jehovah-Rophe, The Lord who heals. Amen!
It's difficult to carry on with life as if people's opinions don't matter. The truth is that it does, esp from people who mean alot to you, friends, loved ones, guy/girl one is interested in etc. (I myself tend to see people with "coloured glasses" too..)
People change, things change, circumstances change... the only constant is God. And that's a comfort. Forever acceptance from God whatever your past. But God demands sincere repentance and promises forgiveness and peace. Thus as much as Jesus has forgave each one of us, there is a need to forgive each other, and yes, arrghhh, the one you can't seem to forgive..
"If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, cannot love God whom he hath not seen. "
1 John 4:20
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