Mathematic Theology

Decided to start writing along my studies in BSF on the book of Romans. To start with, let me indulge in my pride of being a mathematician.

Theorem 1: Doctrine of Condition for Salvation
Believing Jesus Christ's death and resurrection is the necessary and sufficient condition for our salvation.

A sufficient condition means it is enough to cause something to happen. For example, if you are thirsty, a sufficient condition to quench your thirst is to drink enough water. Meaning, whenever you do that, the effect for that condition will happen. Believing in Jesus's death and resurrection is enough for us to reconcile to God. Nothing additional is needed (but that doesn't mean we won't do those "additional things".)

A necessary condition means if the effect happens, the condition or the reason must be there. For example, in the future, maybe there will be a device attached to our body to inject water into our body directly without drinking it. So, drinking water will not be a necessary condition for quenching thirst anymore. Jesus is the only way to heaven. Actually, there is another way, namely, being righteous ourselves. However, this is not achievable at all because we all inevitably sinned.

To summarize, this is the basic of faith. To believe in Jesus's deity, love, faithfulness, and work for us. Nothing from ourselves but only by His grace and mercy. Although, this only requires us to believe in our hearts, it does not stop there.

If we really really "believe in our hearts", it means it will have some changes in our attitudes and actions. Anyone who believe in exercising will keep us healthy will go for sports. Those who claim this belief but stay home all day being crouch potatoes are not true believers. This is a tough topic on differentiating how deep we believe. This is a boolean question (meaning either yes or no), but a matter of degree. Meaning how much is it. Do we bet our lives on it? Or our belief is just enough to make us to go to church every Sunday. Maybe we will talk about it next time.

Fly me to the moon

God's sacrificial love makes Himself suffers.

Isn't it trivial?

No. I do not understand God's love in Calvary, and I do not understand how He suffers fully.

It's not only the whip and the nails that hurt Jesus, nor the humiliation. Those are only what we can see. It hurts God when we love Him less than He does. It also hurts Him when we do not undertand His love for us.

I can never understand the love on the cross completely. Not a chance. Not even close.

I can understand His love in a certain tiny magnitude, but never be able to understand His passion in full.. Like a 5 years old son has no way to understand how his parents loves him. I can only imagine a bit in the difference between the magnitudes of God's love and human love. We human may sometime understand this difference a bit when we have loved someone more than us in our lives, like becoming a parent. Then, we experience the longing for the return of love that makes us suffer, namely, the root word for "passion". We can only love others, stop hurting others, but we cannot make others loves us or stop them hurting us.

And why God has to suffer? There is no reason and no need for Him to suffer. Plus, suffer for the stupid human race who ruined themselves?! That is the propitiation (Romans 3:25, Heb 9:5) He displayed publicly. "ilasthrion" (Greek, hilasterion) means "the seat of mercy". God does not give us what we deserve by His sovereign power and His will.

The gap between God's love and human love is never filled. Human love is like the distance you travel to work... maybe 1 hour of drive? Then think about the distance of taking a plane to travel to another city, maybe 20 hours of flight? That already makes me very impatience. How about travelling to the moon, I don't know how many days does it take. To the end of our solar system? To the belt of Orion? To the edge of the universe? How many light years do we take to go there. God's love displayed in Calvary is far more than that... Makes me remember my favourite hymn based on the Jewish poem Haddamut :

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

In the mist of loving sacrificially in our human relationships, we may understand and experience a tiny bit of how God love us. Also, we have chances to exercise hope, kindness, gentleness, patience, self-control, humility, consideration, and understanding, forgiveness.

Will you come and follow Me ?
Text : Iona Community. Music : Trad. Scottish folk tune, KelvineGrove

Will you come and follow me
If I but call your name?
Will you go where you don’t know
and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown
Will you let my name be known
Will you let my life be grown in you
and you in me ?

Will you leave yourself behind
If I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind
And never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare
Should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you
and you in me?

Will you let the blinded see
If I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoner free
And never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean,
and do such as this unseen,
And admit to what I mean in you
And you in me?

Will you love the “you” you hide
If I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside
And never be the same?
Will you use the faith you’ve found
To reshape the world around,
Through my sight and touch and sound
in you
And you in me?

Christ, your summons echoes true
When, you but call my name
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In your company I’ll go
Where your love and footsteps show,
Thus I’ll move and live and grow in you
And you in me.

Children Church Camp 2006!

Here again, once a year, children church camp. The theme of this year is Exodus, yeah.. slave driving. Here are some photos of the camp. (Some more here, and here)
This year is quite tough, because the room has no air con. The heat and the noise (aircon room is more 'sealed' and quiet) made it very difficult to control the kids.. I guess my temper was being pushed to the limit. However of course, there were a lot of sweet moments, like little Emma went to uncle Stanley and said "I love you".

The camp actually let me experience how the israelites irritated Moses, hence... irritated God. How God was faithful and patience towards His people and took care of them. God is just so so extraordinary.

However, the conclusion is, let me know, how I irritated God. More accurately, offended God. Moreover, how good is God to me and the real meaning of "God is faithful and long suffered".

Thank you, Mr. God.

My Saviour First of All

When my lifework is ended, and I cross the swelling tide,
When the bright and glorious morning I shall see;
I shall know my Redeemer when I reach the other side,
And His smile will be the first to welcome me.

* Refrain:
I shall know Him, I shall know Him,
And redeemed by His side I shall stand,
I shall know Him, I shall know Him,
By the print of the nails in His hand.

Oh, the soul-thrilling rapture when I view His blessed face,
And the luster of His kindly beaming eye;
How my full heart will praise Him for the mercy, love and grace,
That prepare for me a mansion in the sky.

Oh, the dear ones in glory, how they beckon me to come,
And our parting at the river I recall;
To the sweet vales of Eden they will sing my welcome home;
But I long to meet my Savior first of all.

Through the gates to the city in a robe of spotless white,
He will lead me where no tears will ever fall;
In the glad song of ages I shall mingle with delight;
But I long to meet my Savior first of all.

Knowing Good? or Knowing God?

In the Sunday school teachers' retreat, the speaker said, "We are not teaching the children how to be good kids, we are teaching them who God is."

Totally aligned with BSF studies of Genesis this year, are we learning how to be a good person through the lives of those people in Genesis? Or are we learning what are the attributes of God, through His faithfulness and grace to work in His people's lives?

Who is/are the main character(s) of Genesis, or the Bible? Adam, Eve, Enoch, Noah, the Patriarchs? or God

If we do not know how faithful God is, how do we know that we are not faithful? Substitute the word "faithful" with every adjective of God, such as holy, loving, patience, wise, sovereign, you name it.

It's only the personal relationship of knowing God that made all the Patriarchs to do what is right in God's eyes.

What I finally want to say is, we sometime do not understand what means by a relatioship with God by "knowing God".

We do not know what "knowing" means.

P.S. Please don't argue about the first statement. I do NOT mean we do NOT teach our kids to behave well, I meant there is a priority only. That's my broken English.

Out of the Blue.... Yet?

I was in quite a deep depression the whole week. Every morning woke up by bad dreams. Even woke up by my own crying once.

Nothing/noone was able to cheer me. I was pulling some of my friends' legs by dragging them when they were caring about me. Adding onto me, I felt more guilty. Apologize to them.

It went on for the week, probably because of my work. Stacked up stresses plus my dean told me that although my teaching is excellent (he did use that word) but my research is not good enough. There IS some distance between my current research and their expectation. Unless I did some significant improvement, otherwise in two years time, I will lose my job. Yes, they don't care about teaching. This is the sad thing about universities, they are ranked highly ONLY because of research, nothing deal with teachings. Noone cares about teaching. So far if the teachers do not do crazy mistakes or do not strip in front of your own class, they can just stand there and read the books to students... to teach.

Deep deep blue is affecting me. Of course the same old questions are appearing again, "what am I doing here", "am I doing the right thing for God"...

Well, I am a sinner who needs help.

Stresses from ministries are also piling up. Fortunately BSF is ending. However, sunday school teachers have to go for a retreat this weekend. Bring my both emotionally and physically drained body, i didn't expect much in the retreat except please don't die here.

God is good. The retreat revived me, from death.

First, the speakers and games are really reviving me. My mood was uncontrollably returning to normal at the night when i was in the BSF DL fellowship.

The last day of the retreat, our pastor came with his weary body from Malaysia.

The sermon was good, it was about Abimelech in the book of Judges 9 in the Bible. How he decieve the people by imposing insecurity onto them. We are also affected by the world and told that we are finacially, emotionally, physically, whatever-ly insecure. So we need all those financial planning, slimming plan, etc to secure our positions. Pastor Chris helped me by pointing out a very important point: All these made us to forget God. This wicked Abimelech even killed his 70 brothers. However, one of them, Jotham, escaped (to Beer! what a nice place) and finally woke up the people about remembering God.

I do remember God, but didn't realize the world is telling me to forget Him, to forget that He can provide. It's a battle here.

I do forget partially in this modern days of Judges. Pray that God will remind and help me. Thank God for answering my prayer for encouragement through forcing me to go for the retreat.

Well, another week is coming, see if I will forget God again...

Abimelech means "my father is king" vs Jotham means "God is perfect". Isn't it asking about if your king is on earth or trust in God's perfect?

Job 30:25

I got this joke from the internet:

A vacuum salesman appeared at the door of an old lady's cottage and, without allowing the woman to speak, rushed into the living room and threw a large bag of dirt all over her clean carpet. He said, "If this new vacuum doesn't pick up every bit of dirt then I'll eat all the dirt."

The woman, who by this time was losing her patience, said, "Sir, if I had enough money to buy that thing, I would have paid my electricity bill before they cut it off. Now, what would you prefer, a spoon or a knife and fork?"

After a smile, actually it made me fall into a deep thought.

How many times we gave other people advices without listening?

There was an old Chinese story but real in history in the West Jun Dynasty:

There was one big famine over the whole country. The people finished the tree skins and grass roots, even men eating men happens! Local officials reported to the Emperor Wei and he was really confused, and said, "Why don't they eat meat porridge?" (何不食肉糜?)

This Chinese idiom is popular in describing misunderstanding situations. When the emperor has the most luxary food everyday but his people almost have to eat dirt.

I am not trying to condemn people who do not understand others, please do not get me wrong. I think everyone will NOT know the situation of every other. However, we just have to be patient to get a more comprehensive picture of how others feel before we try to help.

A typical conversation when I feel down sometime:

Me: *Sigh*
Friend: What's up?
Me: i feel no energy in me and quite frustrated lately because... (interupted)
Friend: Trust in God and delighted in Him! Pray and put every trouble of you in Him. He is the source of blessings and will make you joyful. Remember that verse about eagle... blah blah blah

I do appreciate that it is from a good motivation and really a "correct" answer, but not quite helpful at that point of time.

I think I understand women in the way that, we are NOT NOT (not a typo) seeking answers to a problem, but NOT YET. True communication involves understanding in different level, including "emotional acknowledgement". In the old text of Bible, the word "knowing" is used in a lot of different levels, from superficial to deep involvement.

Where are the first two times the bible used the word "knew"?

And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. Gen 3:7 (KJV)

Did Adam and Eve not know they were naked before? It was a deeper feeling of the shame of sin and their experience of broken relationship with God.

And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD. Gen 4:1 (KJV)

It's not in NIV but in King James Version, "knowing" is always used as having sexual relationship. I am not getting erotic here, but I personally believed that sex is a gift from God that we can know our spouses better in phyical, emotional and spiritual ways. A good husband will not focus on the "techniques" or personal "climax" but eye contacts and communication (sorry I am NO expert in it yet). That's a form of knowing. (Just saw the movie "Friends with money" and mentioned eye contacts in sex. Important, right? I have no idea but I guess so.)

Especially in Asian education system, we know our knowledge by memorizing books and what teachers said. When we got an "A" or 100 marks, we were happy and thought we know enough. We never know enough for a relationship, no matter it is husband and wife or family and friends. We do not give a deeper thought in "knowing" (adding here, not even in academic knowledge. we'd never question why Newton's laws are wrong or -1 times -1 is 1. Mathematics IS a religion!)

A final word, our God is the best example to follow. He did choose to suffer with what we experienced and He choose to show us that He experienced it. (Isa 53, Phi 2:5-7)

"Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep." Romans 12:15

We cannot make others to know us, but we can learn how to know more about others.

"Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering." Heb 13:3

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Deception

I watched an interesting video clip online. It was a short talk between David Zinczenko editor-in-chief of Men's health magazine and Kate White, editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan. David did a research of what men look for in a women and here is the list, in the order of importance:

1. Faithfulness
2. Intelligence
3. Beauty
4. Honesty
5. Good in bed

On the contrast, this is the research of what women think men look for in women:

1. Beauty
2. Confidence
3. Good in bed
4. Allure
5. faithfulness & honesty

The first reaction of Kate was questioning the results from guys were only that "they just said what they were supposed to say", my interpretation is of her hidden word is... "hypocritical".

Guys, what say you?

The host said, "If you are 25, you may want a 'hot chick', but if you are 35, you really realize what is important." Guys are not that dumb... although there are some....

I would say a lot of young guys may really go for looks. Mature guys don't.

According to David,

• %90 of men rate having wives as soulmate over amazing sex.
• %72 honesty > looks

David said, "no use to have a beautiful orchid if always worrying someone is picking it up"

• %60 beautiful face > beautiful body

Kate immediate protested that guys look for "curves". (That's why so many slimming program out there for women.) However, David said, "it's not the face, it's the eyes." I totally agree, the eyes of a woman reflects herself. Not only physically, but also their emotion, inner self. You can tell a lot from the eyes if a person is living in fear, ignorance, or wise, kind, etc. from the eyes.

Interestingly, Kate insisted in thoughts like, "guys like beauty", and also like women to be "allure", "mystery", and "excitement of women which surprise guys everyday".

I think she is not reflecting the reality, she is trying to change the reality.

For the first second, yes, a beautiful woman will catch a guy's sight, but for not more than 5 min, i.e., not for the life long time as a wife. "Beauty is fleeting"

For one night stand, maybe "allure" and "mystery" hook guys, but you cannot be mysterious for a life long commitment.

Excitement everyday? First, how can that be possible?! Even so, the guy may die from a heart attack one day. Excitement only excites people when it gets heavier and heavier.

Yes, for ignorant guys, they look for appearance. For mature guys, let's get real.

I used to serve in youth ministries and I told the youth. "How you attract is what you get." You dress as half-naked, you attract lusty guys. You talk wisely, you attract mature guys. As Christians, you live your daily life with a good relationship with God, you attract godly men. This is a matter of choice, you cannot attract a guy who got everything good things. There were a saying,

If a guy is handsome, usually he is a playboy.
If a guy is rich, usually he is not faithful.
If a guy is nice, usually he is already married.
If a guy is handsome, rich, and nice, but he is also faithful, not a playboy and not married....

.... probably he is gay.

Ladies, please wake up, don't read Cosmopolitan (or whatsoever magazines) anymore. Guys likewise, stop reading those magazines that give you a false image of the other sex and make you more dumb.

P.S. A final word... guys or girls, we usually don't want to grow up. So we stay at the stage of fantasy. That's why the commercials are so 'fantastic'. Wake up! You are living in a real world.
P.P.S. That is why I always sigh and quote two old Chinese verses:

1. 千里馬常有，而伯樂不常有
2. 路遙知馬力，日久見人心

(Interestingly they are all about horses.)

P.P.S What is your list?

晚禱

My Favourite Hymn

An Evening Prayer
Words & Music: C. Maude Bat­ters­by

If I have wounded any soul today,
If I have caused one foot to go astray,
If I have walked in my own willful way,
Dear Lord, forgive!

If I have uttered idle words or vain,
If I have turned aside from want or pain,
Lest I myself shall suffer through the strain,
Dear Lord, forgive!

If I have been perverse or hard, or cold,
If I have longed for shelter in Thy fold,
When Thou hast given me some fort to hold,
Dear Lord, forgive!

Forgive the sins I have confessed to Thee;
Forgive the secret sins I do not see;
O guide me, love me and my keeper be,
Dear Lord, Amen.

晚禱

若我今日傷害他人心靈，若我今日使別人走錯路，若我今日照己心意偏行，求主赦免。

若我今日言語不合體統，若我今日不關懷人需要，因此使別人受傷害虧損，求主赦免。

若我今日對人冷落頑梗，若我今日只顧貪圖安逸，不願堅守神所交付職分，求主赦免。

求你赦免我所承認眾罪，求你赦免隱而未顯罪愆，求你常常引導愛護保守。阿門。

Peace in my heart, ... but from where?

There are times in our lives that we are not confused nor troubled. We experienced peace and we are contented. However, I read this today when I am doing my QT. Quoted from Oswald Chambers in his My Utmost for his highest:

"There are times in our lives when our peace is based simply on our own ignorance. But when we are awakened to the realities of life, true inner peace is impossible unless it is received from Jesus."

How true it is that sometime we are just ignorant and treat it as the peace Jesus gave. Just because we are lazy, or not striving forward, we do not want to deal with our own problems and weakness so we ignore them. Being idle (in mind or in action) is not a sin (..I guess), but sometime it is a symptom of some hidden sins, most likely laziness, or being lukewarm towards God. Of course, the peace is disturbed when others rebuke us.

Especially ignorance of our own sins, I guess it is the most common mistakes we made. We know that God has mercies. However, every sin has its consequences no matter how small, or how unrelated to others, or how hidden it is. Did you leak out a secret to others without someone's permission? Did you sit in front of the computer and surf on some websites you shouldn't read? Did you speak of someone else without respecting him/her and the truth, i.e. gossiping? Of course we have our Jesus to pay for our price, but usually people just skip the seriousness of sins and then ignore the sin. Paul said,

"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?" Romans 6:1

Are we doing that? Really, that is a question we usually skipped although we know that we are sinners and we know God paid for the price and we are forgiven. But, are we living a life with sins without repentance and using Jesus's death as a token to pay off our fines? Is our life goals pleasing God, loving God, and glorifying God?

Do we just have the peace that is NOT from Jesus because we ignore our sin, ignore God, ignore God's ultimate purpose on us (We all have the same one, you don't know what this goal is?).

Grant Sharing

Last year I shared this song in BSF. (The feed back is, I'd better don't sing)

(In the tune of "Top of the world")

After “intro” I added in my name
The length of waiting list is simply not the same
Waiting for one whole year, and at last I am here
I would better don’t be 3 times absentee.

Such a feelin’s comin’ over me
There is “challenge” in most homework I see
Not a clue in my mind, Got the tears in my eyes
And I won't be surprised if it's a dream

Chorus:
I’m in the discussion answering the “personal” question
I’m the only one who does it I can find
And my DL’ve also found, he winks at me round and round
So I look down and ignore the whole world

First year is hard enough that I find
Until the ‘minor prophets’ make me change my mind
One question will be “skim chap 1 to 43”
So I became a DL and hope it’s more easy

Everything I want my group to be
Is that they are nice and they don’t bully me
And my prayer is clear, and I find God does hear
My members are the cutest ones that I’ve seen

Chorus:
I’m in the discussion group asking, for A.S.K. questions
And the prayer answers we can find
God’s so good that we’ve found, He is faithful every round
His love’s put us at the top of the world

Too Sharp

Yesterday, we went to JB , Malaysia for a day trip. Well, the ladies went for shopping, me and another guy got nothing to do and wondered in the shopping mall. Finally we sat down and had a good guy talk.

He is older than me, and definitely wiser. We talked a lot, especially about my "non-existing" relationship. We got the conclusion that I am too sharp to communicate, maybe that's the failure of my relationship with other girl..., including my sister. I am too sharp to spot problems, too sharp to speak, too sharp to word exact meaning. It's so hard for others to talk with me... Although I tried my best to word my sentence gently.. but the fact is still revealing and the truth is still hurting. I guess it's because my profession trains me well in giving proofs and arguement, maybe I am like Paul.

I just hope to build a Christian family that bases on God's Words and guidance. It does not mean there is no love element. I strongly believe that love is built on truth. If there is no truth, then we are not sinning and Jesus' sacrifice is worthless, thus, His love is nothing.. We are loved because He is willing to choose 'love', without trading off truth. So Jesus had to do in the hard way, dying with humiliation that He didn't deserve. Well I guess we try to get around with it for the easy way. When the truth is not revealed, there is nothing to change and nothing wrong...

Then how to be loving upon truth depends on wisdom, I will say divine wisdom. Anyway, it's too far for me to say these now.

However, in Proverbs, it says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." I guess people just don't like the heat and conflicts that hurt. However, I cannot stand myself to be rusty and blunt. I guess that is where sin comes from. When Abraham was blur and had a son with Hagar by Sarah's suggestion, also you can name so many examples in the Bible when we do not remind each other because of fear and cause problems.

Jesus told us to remove the plank of our own eyes first, but He did told us to remove the speck of sawdust from our brother at last. I guess accusing others of 'judging' is abused sometime. Yes, we should not judge others, but we should remind each other to live a godly lives. We are responsible for others as well.

"The spiritual man makes judgments about all things."

Shall We Love?

What do you mean by "falling in love"? A romantic exchange of eye sights? Passionate hugs (usually the next scene is on the bed in movies)? A heartily conversation?

Sigh... nowadays all about love is "making myself happy". When someone says "I love this!", it means he 'likes' it. We are abusing the word 'love'. Even in worship, when is the time you think you gave the best worship? Some Christians will say "when I am totally immersed into the atmosphere and tear because I feel the love of God and His presence is so near me."

Sigh..., self feeling again.

Well... it is not wrong to feel God's presence, enjoy His majesty and touched by His love. However, that is only the primitive beginning, worshipping is giving God what He deserve ...

"Have you ever been driven to do something for God not because you felt that it was useful or your duty to do so, or that there was anything in it for you, but simply because you love Him? Have you ever realized that you can give things to God that are of value to Him? Or are you just sitting around daydreaming about the greatness of His redemption, while neglecting all the things you could be doing for Him?"

"If what we call love doesn’t take us beyond ourselves, it is not really love. If we have the idea that love is characterized as cautious, wise, sensible, shrewd, and never taken to extremes, we have missed the true meaning. This may describe affection and it may bring us a warm feeling, but it is not a true and accurate description of love. " - Oswald Chamers. (My Ulmost Highest)

I call "love is ignorant" if we do not excercise God's given Spirit of Truth, and "love is shallow" if we do not give anything that hurts us.

BTW, according to the Bible, actually we cannot call the above 'love', Paul said:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. " 1 Cor. 4-7

Being "patient" is when someone pissed you off again and again and again , and again (7 x 77 times) but you still undertand. Being kind is givng others what they do not deserve and you actually do not have to give at all. Love DOES NOT delight in ANY evil but rejoices with ALL truth. I think I am not adding new things into the Bible, but the existential descriptors (as a mathematician's bad habit) remind us that love does not come with homosexuality or premartial sex. Anyway, I guess we already cannot call ourselves loving at this point already...

Love without obeying God is lust. Sins strip us off from God's glory.

The world is fallen, really.

Taxi Theology

In Singapore, I love to take taxi because it's so cheap. From the far west end of singapore to the other end in the east, it will only take about S$20. Why should I buy a car?

Well, since I am not local here, the smart taxi drivers realise my accent and sometime they will do something funny. Some of them are quite cunning especially in non-rushing hours, when they do not have many customers. Once, there was one taxi driver who took me a big round with the high way. Finally, the fee was more than %50 more than usual, I felt cheated.

So, sometime I am nervous on a taxi. My emotions on taxi can be.... tensed and stressed, because I need to direct the route. Or sometime it's "pai seh" (Singlish, meaning "shy"or a sense of "shame") since my directions can be very complicated. Of course, the worst feeling will be at getting annoyed when the taxi driver insists to go for the longer way. I will feel cheated and "I will never take your taxi again" (Well it's hard to take his taxi again anyway.)

However, why am I got pissed just because of a few dollars?!?!

When I think about it, actually it's only such a small amount of money (and sometime the longer route maybe faster). I like to study my own emotions usually and I found myself very calculating. Upon reflection, I am so blessed already with all my family, jobs and friends, why should I care about a few dollars.

I guess sometime my life is like that also. Namely, because of some mistakes others made, I will get very annoyed. Although I do not lost my temper, but the 'debt' is pinned in my heart. I will not yell at people, but I will feel uneasy. Normal human responses? However, Jesus taught us,

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

I don't know if I need to keep an account of 77 times of taxi rides, but in my life, better remember our Lord's grace from time to time. We are forgiven, again and again. I know someone may take it as a command that we need to forgive others. However, I guess it's a natural result if we really understand the forgiveness from God and the price paid by Jesus's humiliation and His horrible death. Just want to say, I didn't realize how much He gave when I was a young Christian. Probably I do not understand and appreciate it fully now. But after I realize more, I know Jesus did not just "die and resurrect". He gave all He could give and it DID hurt Him.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." Jim Elliot October 28, 1949

It always reminds me about the movie Babette's Feast, when the servant gave all she could have given. Do I ever give ALL I could give to someone? NEVER. I wish I will have the chance to do that for my future wife and children. Well, I cannot do that now but God did that for my sins. And the question is, am I going to calculate what others have done to me?!?! no matter big or small?

"Love is ... not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs."

So, next time we are on a taxi, remember that we are under the grace system. Upon receiving such grace, our life direction should be totalled re-aligned.

Trust and Obey
Lyrics: John H. Sammis, Music Daniel B. Towner

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

Refrain

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

Refrain

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross
But is blessed if we trust and obey.

Refrain

But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Refrain

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet.
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way.
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

Refrain

A Dreamer

Funny people got funny dreams. Today is the last day of this year. I got a dream again that made me woke up with tears. Those who thought a man cannot be sissy plesae do not continue reading... I woke up at 8am something by an SMS, then slept again, there was when the dream began. I first met a girl who I like in high school long time ago, which surprised me since even I forgot about her totally. Well, but that's not the dream I wanted to talk about.

I met myself as a baby, lying there. Of course I was very cute and adorable. (People said you was adorable when you were young, implies that you will not be adorable when you grow up) I was taking care of myself, feeding myself and carrying myself. I enjoy the cuddle of my own baby on me very much. Interestingly, the baby can talk a little bit so we have a few lovely baby talk.

The thing is, I knew the dream is going to end when it's going to end. Suddenly I burst into tears. Feeling of leaving the dream? Maybe. However, I had this very strong feeling that I messed up my life, and also I am messing it up now. I was so adorable and 'well made', plus God gave me a lot of talents and blessings that I could enjoy. I was wasting those, making mistakes in my life always, being depressed and melancholic. When I woke up, I felt very sorry and I prayed that,

"Lord, I am sorry that I messed up the life you gave me. Please forgive me."

Another thing that I confirmed with this dream is, my nature is a family man. I think I truely enjoy holding a baby of my own with my wife. I hope that God gave me these attitudes and abilities, will not let me down by not giving me a family. I am re-watching the movie Abraham these days. The promise of God and the tracing of it by Abraham is very well done, together with the doubts and attack of the hope from time to time.

In the end, before Abraham led Isaac to the alter, Abraham said, "I will not disappoint my god again. There were times in the past when I believed that he had abandoned me. But, it was I.... who had abandoned him. And I will not disappoint him again."

Nothing so special but just a dream of a dreamer (豬嘜) at the end of the year....

Christmas Isn’t Christmas
lyrics & song: jimmy & carol owens

Christmas Isn’t Christmas
'till it happens in your heart,
Somewhere deep inside you
Is where Christmas really starts;

So give your heart to Jesus,
you'll discover when you do
That it’s Christmas
Really Christmas for you.

Jesus brings warmth like a winter fire,
A light like a candle's glow;
He's waiting now to come inside
As He did so long ago.

Jesus brings gifts of truth and life
And makes them bloom and grow.
So welcome Him with a song of joy
And when He comes you'll know ..... that ...

Christmas Isn’t Christmas
'till it happens in your heart,
Somewhere deep inside you
Is where Christmas really starts;

So give your heart to Jesus,
you'll discover when you do
That it’s Christmas
Really Christmas for you.

About Condemnation

When is the time when two people argue with the most extreme anger?

I will say, when they are emotionally overwhelmed, or, in another word, not base of facts and truth.

If I say that you are such a big fat pig, but actually you are underweight. Will you get angry? Or saying that you are ugly and disgusting, but actually you just won the beauty contest? Will you get angry? Of course not, truth denies false condemnation.

Next time, if you got condemned and you feel pissed, or unhappy and cannot accept it, probably it's because of

1. You do not realize that the condemnation is not true, or
2. The condemnation is true but you cannot accept it.

For us, i.e. Christians, we are condemned by Satan from time to time, or from other people used by Satan. If the first case happens, we'd better understand the truth and realize that it is the only way to set us free... well, how to know the truth? Know Jesus and study the Words. The other case, we are still sinners and what in the earth that we say that we are perfect? We should be glad that if someone rebuke us on something wrong about ourselves. We got our God to guide us and forgive us, if God is with us, who can against us? We should feel sad about our own sins, but we shouldn't be just stopping there. Again, know Jesus and study the Words. Follow our God the Father's will and seek the help of the Holy Spirit. That is the best we can do.

Next time, if you heart is upset by condemnation. Pray for the wisdom to know the truth. If it's really our own faults, pray for forgiveness and repent...

If I Believe in Revolution Theory


Taken from Reveredfun.com