Finally a bittersweet but meaning post

 Tonight I was putting my two kids to sleep. Because they fought in the afternoon, so I told them, they are brothers forever. Even if there is one day I am not around, they should be good brothers together.

After a while, my five year old kid started to sob... and he told me he felt sad about what I said. I hold him tight and tell him that I will be with him for a long long time.

I know my second son is very sensitive, but that is very very sensitive. 

I don't know if I should regret saying those, but at last, someone cried for me except my parents.

Finally.

There is no hope.

有個人坐在地上哭, 天神問他為什麼哭. 

他說, "我破產失去了一切, 所以哭"

天神說, "不怕, 我把所有產業給回給你". 他就快樂的走了. 

又有個人坐在地上哭, 天神問他為什麼哭. 

他說, "我全家都得病死了, 所以哭"

天神說, "不怕, 我把你家人都復活". 他就快樂的走了. 

有個人坐在地上哭, 天神問他為什麼哭. 

他說, "我跟XXX, XX了, 所以哭"

這次, 天神也沒辦法了, 跟他坐下來一起哭

Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why

 Why others can have a second chance?!!

一子錯，滿盤皆落索

 我對不起上帝

我對不起我父母

我對不起孩子們

夜飲東坡醒复醉歸來彷彿三更

家童鼻息已雷鳴

敲門都細長倚杖聽江聲

長恨此身非我有何時忘卻營營

夜闌風靜縠紋平

小舟從此逝江海寄餘生

I feel like this all the time

Reflection During Retreat

Rediscover the height and depth of the tiny portion of God's infinite attributes that I am able to understand. Realize that He is far more trustworthy than I think. By Trusting Him 100% in every aspect of my life, esp. the most important part of my own family. He is the One who designs and provides. In His timing, plan and orchestration. Believing He will make all things beautiful no matter what the future will be.
Put my hope in Him even though every circumstances dims. Walk steadily with His righteous guidance.
Read Psalm everyday. He is my joy and comfort. Other than Him, no on can comfort me. Trust in His decisions. Focus in His will, knowing it, understanding it, doing it, persevering into the future.
Rest in His arms, that carry me closer to His heart.

Trust God, my Provider, my joy, my Best Friend, my King.
Remember His goodness and grace to me. His infinite wisdom, power, and majestic sovereignty. Put my WHOLE heart in Him. Focus in my duty given by Him.

To my gracious, majestic King of Heaven and Earth.
Declare my loyalty to strive for His glory.
To fall in awe of Your deeds and wonders.
Remember your goodness, grace and care.
Comfort is when I know that God is great, infinite, caring and faithful.

By Your love, please take care of me. I pray.

"It is astonishing, numbing, to find that inside you is a stranger. A sleepless, restless stranger who keeps walking, keeps eating, keeps living."

The Brave One

《父子》 李克勤

十岁起 当我练球技似笠臣出众 人成熟 只变成现场观众
愿你懂 多努力难避免四大皆空 捧金杯会发觉理想很重

大个仔 请见谅其实我不是巨人 无能力 给你们做人宝训
若有天 当你未能做个伟大医生 也要信这世界美好吸引

当歌手当司机当警察不紧要 只需要你似个铁人病痛少
得不到金靴奖根本我不需要 我最想你似我面上怀着笑

当歌手当司机当警察不紧要 只需要你碰上困难别困扰
想得到得不到少不免灰心了 我最想你似我面上怀着笑

我最惊你似我渐渐麻木了

(click here to listen)

Sin

Biblically, "sin" means "missing the mark", here is a story:

A 6-year-old boy shoots very well. Every arrow is in the mark. His dad asked how he did that.

He said, "I shoot the arrows first, then I draw the marks around them."

His dad told the boy that is cheating, the marks should be there before shooting. His dad said, "I am the perfect one who will not miss the mark, you should learn my way." The boy asked, "how to do that? It's amazing! Through practising thousands times?"

He dad said, "If you do not want to miss any mark, you just don't shoot."

Selfishness is the Opposite of Christlikeness.

It's a very good conclusion of the first part of Romans 8 saying that all things works towards one ultimate goal, namely, to conform us to the likeness of Christ.

To think about it, it's quite scary. Did you ever read about Jesus smile or laugh in the NT? All we have is He wept, was sad, angry, grieved, you name it. Perhaps He smiled when Peter walked on the water? I don't know. But as Isaiah described, He is a man of sorrow. Am I going to be like that?

Of course, Paul is not encouraging us to frown always. Then what is conforming to Christ about? About what we should do? Serve in the church? Love others? Not sinning? Paul asked the question, "What, then, shall we say in response to this?" He continued, "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I guess there is one very boring terminology that we always talk about, it is our relationship with God. I mean it is the answer of how we are conformed to Christ. We heard it many times that Jesus has the perfect relationship with God. Think about He is being sent to the cross by God. It is just like someone tell his wife/husband to be stripped, walk on the street then chop off the arms. It is totally "foolish" to do. However, Jesus' relationship with God brings obedience to Him that can bring our salvation, in order to restore our relationship with Him, which requires the same commitment.

To confirm with Christ, are we aiming for the same faithfulness to God? Do we want the blessing or the One who bless? Will we still follow God if He does not bless us? Is that what the image of Christ about? We cannot supply any needs God wants, because God doesn't not need anything, but He sacrifise for us.

What is the difference between Adam and us?

He should not have a belly button.

Mathematic Theology

Decided to start writing along my studies in BSF on the book of Romans. To start with, let me indulge in my pride of being a mathematician.

Theorem 1: Doctrine of Condition for Salvation
Believing Jesus Christ's death and resurrection is the necessary and sufficient condition for our salvation.

A sufficient condition means it is enough to cause something to happen. For example, if you are thirsty, a sufficient condition to quench your thirst is to drink enough water. Meaning, whenever you do that, the effect for that condition will happen. Believing in Jesus's death and resurrection is enough for us to reconcile to God. Nothing additional is needed (but that doesn't mean we won't do those "additional things".)

A necessary condition means if the effect happens, the condition or the reason must be there. For example, in the future, maybe there will be a device attached to our body to inject water into our body directly without drinking it. So, drinking water will not be a necessary condition for quenching thirst anymore. Jesus is the only way to heaven. Actually, there is another way, namely, being righteous ourselves. However, this is not achievable at all because we all inevitably sinned.

To summarize, this is the basic of faith. To believe in Jesus's deity, love, faithfulness, and work for us. Nothing from ourselves but only by His grace and mercy. Although, this only requires us to believe in our hearts, it does not stop there.

If we really really "believe in our hearts", it means it will have some changes in our attitudes and actions. Anyone who believe in exercising will keep us healthy will go for sports. Those who claim this belief but stay home all day being crouch potatoes are not true believers. This is a tough topic on differentiating how deep we believe. This is a boolean question (meaning either yes or no), but a matter of degree. Meaning how much is it. Do we bet our lives on it? Or our belief is just enough to make us to go to church every Sunday. Maybe we will talk about it next time.

Rubbish III

粉霞伴孤影
靜夜陪獨思
驚醒一場夢
淚灑三更時

Someone is Praying for You

How many times I read the passage in the Bible about Jesus and the Hole Spirit are praying for us, and grief for us. Not until now I can understand after so many years.

There is time in life that I paid full strength to get close to God, and exhausted. Desperately crawling on my knees and try to reach God but no more strength to pray. I cannot transfer this feeling to you but it turns my grief over to know that Jesus and the Holy Spirit are praying for me. I think probably a person cannot understand the importance of this assurance until he is so desperate for God but totally without strength for prayer anymore with total exhaustion. When God is the ONLY hope, and He is faithful.

And of course, I cannot omit that it is very sweet when you know that all your brothers and sisters are praying for you also. 患難見真情. I cannot survive without them.

Here is a song to share.

Someone Is Praying For You
Lanny Wolfe

Verse:
When it seems that you prayed
'til your strength is all gone,
and your tears fall like raindrops
all the day long

Jesus cares and He knows
just how much you can bear
He'll speak your name to someone in prayer

Chorus:
Someone is praying for you (x2)
And when it seems you're all alone,
and your heart would break in two
remember someone is praying for you

Verse 2:
Have the clouds 'round you
Gathered in the midst of a storm
Is your ship tossed and battered
Are you weary and worn
Don't lose hope someone's praying
For you this very day
And peace be still is already on the way

Fly me to the moon

God's sacrificial love makes Himself suffers.

Isn't it trivial?

No. I do not understand God's love in Calvary, and I do not understand how He suffers fully.

It's not only the whip and the nails that hurt Jesus, nor the humiliation. Those are only what we can see. It hurts God when we love Him less than He does. It also hurts Him when we do not undertand His love for us.

I can never understand the love on the cross completely. Not a chance. Not even close.

I can understand His love in a certain tiny magnitude, but never be able to understand His passion in full.. Like a 5 years old son has no way to understand how his parents loves him. I can only imagine a bit in the difference between the magnitudes of God's love and human love. We human may sometime understand this difference a bit when we have loved someone more than us in our lives, like becoming a parent. Then, we experience the longing for the return of love that makes us suffer, namely, the root word for "passion". We can only love others, stop hurting others, but we cannot make others loves us or stop them hurting us.

And why God has to suffer? There is no reason and no need for Him to suffer. Plus, suffer for the stupid human race who ruined themselves?! That is the propitiation (Romans 3:25, Heb 9:5) He displayed publicly. "ilasthrion" (Greek, hilasterion) means "the seat of mercy". God does not give us what we deserve by His sovereign power and His will.

The gap between God's love and human love is never filled. Human love is like the distance you travel to work... maybe 1 hour of drive? Then think about the distance of taking a plane to travel to another city, maybe 20 hours of flight? That already makes me very impatience. How about travelling to the moon, I don't know how many days does it take. To the end of our solar system? To the belt of Orion? To the edge of the universe? How many light years do we take to go there. God's love displayed in Calvary is far more than that... Makes me remember my favourite hymn based on the Jewish poem Haddamut :

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

In the mist of loving sacrificially in our human relationships, we may understand and experience a tiny bit of how God love us. Also, we have chances to exercise hope, kindness, gentleness, patience, self-control, humility, consideration, and understanding, forgiveness.

Snowflake

Flames in our palms spark
Snowflake in my heart
Moonlight peace flickers
Dawn in Tetra-March.

Regular Checkup

I did some diagnosis sometime ago, here is some new checkup on myself recently:

1. Stopped playing games (for those who knows me, it is impossible)
2. Start cleaning up my house
3. Play the piano in the middle of the night
4. Look in the mirror
5. ...

Hee...

Wo Chee Chou

Guess what is it? I drank it today, the hint is, it's "more than alcohol"


This vinegar! No kidding, I am drinking this "Tian Di Yee Hao" vinegar.. which is a very popular drink in China..

(to be cont.)

我相信　

A woman in US killed her three children by starving them. (video link here)

Well, you may say an extreme case it is. However, similar kinds of parenthoods are all around in Singapore, according to my friend who is a social worker specialized in child abuse cases. Parents do not want their children, torture them emotionally or physically.

Someone has children and he does not treasure them. Someone who doesn't have children and he wants them very much.

In the mist of chaotic reality of sins, this is a song that reminds me.

我相信　　

曲：黃國倫　　詞：黃國倫
主唱：黃國倫

他們說　世界太寂寞
為愛付出一切　只換來眼淚
花兒開　花又謝　轉眼一場空

我承認　留不住天真
但冷漠的人間仍有溫暖的安慰
感動我　鼓勵我　珍惜我所有

我相信　上帝的悲憫
母親的眼淚　孩子的眼睛
沉默的謙卑　勝過世界喧嚷的驕傲
我相信　真心

我相信　愛情的堅貞
守約的可貴　寬恕的美麗
無悔的奉獻　點亮生命深藏的意義
喔　我相信　真愛常新