Regular Checkup

I did some diagnosis sometime ago, here is some new checkup on myself recently:

1. Stopped playing games (for those who knows me, it is impossible)
2. Start cleaning up my house
3. Play the piano in the middle of the night
4. Look in the mirror
5. ...

Hee...

Wo Chee Chou

Guess what is it? I drank it today, the hint is, it's "more than alcohol"


This vinegar! No kidding, I am drinking this "Tian Di Yee Hao" vinegar.. which is a very popular drink in China..

(to be cont.)

我相信　

A woman in US killed her three children by starving them. (video link here)

Well, you may say an extreme case it is. However, similar kinds of parenthoods are all around in Singapore, according to my friend who is a social worker specialized in child abuse cases. Parents do not want their children, torture them emotionally or physically.

Someone has children and he does not treasure them. Someone who doesn't have children and he wants them very much.

In the mist of chaotic reality of sins, this is a song that reminds me.

我相信　　

曲：黃國倫　　詞：黃國倫
主唱：黃國倫

他們說　世界太寂寞
為愛付出一切　只換來眼淚
花兒開　花又謝　轉眼一場空

我承認　留不住天真
但冷漠的人間仍有溫暖的安慰
感動我　鼓勵我　珍惜我所有

我相信　上帝的悲憫
母親的眼淚　孩子的眼睛
沉默的謙卑　勝過世界喧嚷的驕傲
我相信　真心

我相信　愛情的堅貞
守約的可貴　寬恕的美麗
無悔的奉獻　點亮生命深藏的意義
喔　我相信　真愛常新

Will you come and follow Me ?
Text : Iona Community. Music : Trad. Scottish folk tune, KelvineGrove

Will you come and follow me
If I but call your name?
Will you go where you don’t know
and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown
Will you let my name be known
Will you let my life be grown in you
and you in me ?

Will you leave yourself behind
If I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind
And never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare
Should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you
and you in me?

Will you let the blinded see
If I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoner free
And never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean,
and do such as this unseen,
And admit to what I mean in you
And you in me?

Will you love the “you” you hide
If I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside
And never be the same?
Will you use the faith you’ve found
To reshape the world around,
Through my sight and touch and sound
in you
And you in me?

Christ, your summons echoes true
When, you but call my name
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In your company I’ll go
Where your love and footsteps show,
Thus I’ll move and live and grow in you
And you in me.

It Makes No Sense

I decided to add a new category, namely, "it doesn't add up!". Probably it's just my own stupidity that I cannot understand why someone do so and so... If anyone knows, please enlighten me.

The first thing I posted is that... One day, I saw a man walking his dog.

The thing is, the dog has super long white hair, it's more than a fur ball. You can see its tongue almost falls off because the dog is dying to release its heat. The poor dog is wearing its fur coat and running by his master in SINGAPORE! What in earth his master wants to keep a dog who suffers the heat like that? For companionship? This master probably is "too warm" or didn't know what is it like to wear as an Eskimo but live in the Equator. Can anything be worse than that? Maybe ask him to wear a bikini and take a walk in Alaska.

This dog thing is bugging me from time to time. I really cannot understand why humans cannot express more love to each other instead of a dog. I am not opposing having a dog but some people are really too "into" it. Is it because they already show enough care and love for each other around them so that they have excess for the dog? I really don't know.

Wealth

I've been to places. There are a few places that left some intensive emotions in my heart, namely, Thailand, Cambodia, Indonesia and India.. What is the common thing of these countries? Some families there earn US$0.50 for a day only and it's not even enough for survival. It reminds me of my childhood when I stayed in an SS area (slum + scum). Areas full of exposed drains emitting strong smells, with rats which is bigger than cats, the "four poisons": prostitution, gambling, drinking, drugs(嫖赌飲吹), you name it. If God wants to destruct cities again like Sodom, I was in one of these.

These thoughts just cannot get out of my mine. I am not in such poor situation anymore but why are we depriving them. Are we? I thought of it when I went to a coffee shop auntie and hand over eighty cents for a coffee. I thought of it when I look at the leftover junk after I finished a McDonald's meal. I thought of it during the burning of money in the new year fireworks.

Do I make sense here? Are you still with me?

We may think of their poverty is NOT from us. We, so called developed countries, are sucking blood from undeveloped countries. We obtain materials, fuels, labour, from them but paying them peanuts. Sometime, when we are organizing some charity campaigns for these poor countries, I got a feeling of Dracula promoting blood donation.

On the other hand, see what is important in developed countries. Eating duck tongues, pig stomach, fish sauce and maggots are considered as Fear Factor and on the contrast, people are starving in other countries. Children in wealthy country will complain about a glass of water because it has no ice, while other children have to drink water after it's used for shower (or even more disgusting usages). More worse, emotionally children are protected and you cannot hurt their self-esteem by not scolding them, but you know how many children died each day without even living a life like a dog in an advanced country?

Here is some extraction from the song, "on the other side of the world":

我曾在夜裡哭泣 因為愛情已遠離
你也在夜裡哭泣 只是天空很久沒有下雨
我常常向上帝禱告 希望工作愛情 都順利
你默默向上帝禱告 只是希望下一餐 會來的更早

我曾經上街去遊行 抗議政府要給更多福利
而你在槍聲中躲避 戰爭使你顛沛流離
我有幸福的家庭 暑假想去歐洲旅行
而你在廢墟中哭泣 你的爸爸媽媽在哪裡

P.S. I was once in the Big Brother Project in US. My job is to be a good friend to an "abused" child in order to help him. The police was once surrending his home because his father beated him and they beleived this child should be protected and helped "psychologically". Later on, when I met and talked with this "victim" kid, I discovered he was so pissed off and made his father angry. All because of his father did not give him a playstation, and his reason was, he deserved it and it is his father's responsibility of giving him that.

粉霞伴孤影 靜夜陪獨思

Every new year countdown I have a wish, and every end of a year the wish is still a wish.

I thought I will burst into tears in the new year count down. In the end, I didn't.

Firework (burnt with the money of tax-payers) shot up into the sky and scattered into (finitely) many pieces. As the heart sank and dissolved into (finitely) many sediment.

What have I done this year? As in some previous years, I don't think I will know until I met the Lord.

Before You Speak

THINK before you speak. Is it True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, Kind? - Alan Redpath

(He got a good name also)

Bacon and Egg Breakfast

About commitment talked earlier, here is a story about it quoted by our TL in BSF earlier on.


A pig and a chicken were out for a walk one day when they happened across a very sad-looking group of human beings. “Gee,” said the pig, “I wonder what’s wrong with them?” “I don’t know,” said the chicken. “But I wonder if they might be hungry. Let’s cheer them up! Let’s make them a bacon and egg breakfast!”

The pig paused for a moment. “Hey,” he said. “I’m not so sure I like that idea. For you it’s a contribution, but for me it’s a big commitment!”

寧赴湘流

生命不外乎:疼愛別人,被人疼愛,傷害別人,被人傷害.我們只能盡力去疼愛別人,不傷害人.但沒有能力去令別人疼愛你自己,或防止別人傷害你.

我明白 神對我們無私的愛.
我明白自私的最終結果是不會快樂.
我明白世界需要多一點付出,關懷,溫暖,愛心,為對方著想....

但有時真的覺得,自私的人會比較快樂.
他們不用為他人想那麼多,
他們不渴求與人深交,
孤獨並不是一個顯露的問題.
對感情不用負責.隨意而行.
他們生活在自己的世界,需然虛幻,卻有短暫的滿足.

屈原既放，游於江潭，行吟澤畔，顏色憔悴，形容枯槁。漁父見而問之曰：「子非三閭大夫與？何故至於斯？」屈原曰：「舉世皆濁我獨清，眾人皆醉我獨醒，是以見放。」漁父曰：「聖人不凝滯於物，而能與世推移。世人皆濁，何不淈其泥而揚其波？眾人皆醉，何不餔其糟而歠其醨？何故深思高舉，自令放為？」屈原曰：「吾聞之，新沐者必彈冠，新浴者必振衣。安能以身之察察，受物之汶汶者乎？寧赴湘流，葬於江魚之腹中，安能以皓皓之白，而蒙世俗之塵埃乎！」漁父莞爾而笑，鼓枻而去，乃歌曰：「滄浪之水清兮，可以濯吾纓；滄浪之水濁兮，可以濯吾足。」遂去，不復與言。
(English Translation here)

Actually written in Nov 1999

My Idol

Watch this, someone that I admire.

Being a father is more than a total commitment.. it means you have to commit all yourself every second, plus, extending your limit for the ones you love. Not only your sons and daughters, but your beloved wife. To those fathers, they will know what I mean by "extending limit"

(click the picture for a full picture)

Children Church Camp 2006!

Here again, once a year, children church camp. The theme of this year is Exodus, yeah.. slave driving. Here are some photos of the camp. (Some more here, and here)
This year is quite tough, because the room has no air con. The heat and the noise (aircon room is more 'sealed' and quiet) made it very difficult to control the kids.. I guess my temper was being pushed to the limit. However of course, there were a lot of sweet moments, like little Emma went to uncle Stanley and said "I love you".

The camp actually let me experience how the israelites irritated Moses, hence... irritated God. How God was faithful and patience towards His people and took care of them. God is just so so extraordinary.

However, the conclusion is, let me know, how I irritated God. More accurately, offended God. Moreover, how good is God to me and the real meaning of "God is faithful and long suffered".

Thank you, Mr. God.

My Saviour First of All

When my lifework is ended, and I cross the swelling tide,
When the bright and glorious morning I shall see;
I shall know my Redeemer when I reach the other side,
And His smile will be the first to welcome me.

* Refrain:
I shall know Him, I shall know Him,
And redeemed by His side I shall stand,
I shall know Him, I shall know Him,
By the print of the nails in His hand.

Oh, the soul-thrilling rapture when I view His blessed face,
And the luster of His kindly beaming eye;
How my full heart will praise Him for the mercy, love and grace,
That prepare for me a mansion in the sky.

Oh, the dear ones in glory, how they beckon me to come,
And our parting at the river I recall;
To the sweet vales of Eden they will sing my welcome home;
But I long to meet my Savior first of all.

Through the gates to the city in a robe of spotless white,
He will lead me where no tears will ever fall;
In the glad song of ages I shall mingle with delight;
But I long to meet my Savior first of all.

Knowing Good? or Knowing God?

In the Sunday school teachers' retreat, the speaker said, "We are not teaching the children how to be good kids, we are teaching them who God is."

Totally aligned with BSF studies of Genesis this year, are we learning how to be a good person through the lives of those people in Genesis? Or are we learning what are the attributes of God, through His faithfulness and grace to work in His people's lives?

Who is/are the main character(s) of Genesis, or the Bible? Adam, Eve, Enoch, Noah, the Patriarchs? or God

If we do not know how faithful God is, how do we know that we are not faithful? Substitute the word "faithful" with every adjective of God, such as holy, loving, patience, wise, sovereign, you name it.

It's only the personal relationship of knowing God that made all the Patriarchs to do what is right in God's eyes.

What I finally want to say is, we sometime do not understand what means by a relatioship with God by "knowing God".

We do not know what "knowing" means.

P.S. Please don't argue about the first statement. I do NOT mean we do NOT teach our kids to behave well, I meant there is a priority only. That's my broken English.

Out of the Blue.... Yet?

I was in quite a deep depression the whole week. Every morning woke up by bad dreams. Even woke up by my own crying once.

Nothing/noone was able to cheer me. I was pulling some of my friends' legs by dragging them when they were caring about me. Adding onto me, I felt more guilty. Apologize to them.

It went on for the week, probably because of my work. Stacked up stresses plus my dean told me that although my teaching is excellent (he did use that word) but my research is not good enough. There IS some distance between my current research and their expectation. Unless I did some significant improvement, otherwise in two years time, I will lose my job. Yes, they don't care about teaching. This is the sad thing about universities, they are ranked highly ONLY because of research, nothing deal with teachings. Noone cares about teaching. So far if the teachers do not do crazy mistakes or do not strip in front of your own class, they can just stand there and read the books to students... to teach.

Deep deep blue is affecting me. Of course the same old questions are appearing again, "what am I doing here", "am I doing the right thing for God"...

Well, I am a sinner who needs help.

Stresses from ministries are also piling up. Fortunately BSF is ending. However, sunday school teachers have to go for a retreat this weekend. Bring my both emotionally and physically drained body, i didn't expect much in the retreat except please don't die here.

God is good. The retreat revived me, from death.

First, the speakers and games are really reviving me. My mood was uncontrollably returning to normal at the night when i was in the BSF DL fellowship.

The last day of the retreat, our pastor came with his weary body from Malaysia.

The sermon was good, it was about Abimelech in the book of Judges 9 in the Bible. How he decieve the people by imposing insecurity onto them. We are also affected by the world and told that we are finacially, emotionally, physically, whatever-ly insecure. So we need all those financial planning, slimming plan, etc to secure our positions. Pastor Chris helped me by pointing out a very important point: All these made us to forget God. This wicked Abimelech even killed his 70 brothers. However, one of them, Jotham, escaped (to Beer! what a nice place) and finally woke up the people about remembering God.

I do remember God, but didn't realize the world is telling me to forget Him, to forget that He can provide. It's a battle here.

I do forget partially in this modern days of Judges. Pray that God will remind and help me. Thank God for answering my prayer for encouragement through forcing me to go for the retreat.

Well, another week is coming, see if I will forget God again...

Abimelech means "my father is king" vs Jotham means "God is perfect". Isn't it asking about if your king is on earth or trust in God's perfect?

【念奴嬌‧赤壁懷古】 蘇軾 (東坡)

大江東去浪淘盡，
千古風流人物。　　
故壘西邊，
人道是﹕三國周郎赤壁。　　
亂石崩雲，
驚濤裂岸，
卷起千堆雪。　　
江山如畫，
一時多少豪傑。　　

遙想公謹當年，
小喬初嫁了，
雄姿英發。　　
羽扇綸巾，
談笑間、強虜灰飛煙滅。　　
故國神游，
多情應笑我，
早生華發。　　
人間如夢，
一樽還酹江月。　　

Baby blue

I am playing the game Kingdom Hearts II now. Reminds me of my favourite charactor, Donald Duck. Just thinking about it, my most favourite charactor is Xiao Ding Dong (Doraemon) All in the same color leh, including my favourite comics, Baby blue...

I am so blue.

Just for fun, my sister sent me this:

叮噹詩歌版

何用呆著等運到
愛主事奉多麼好
無窮奇妙當中歡笑賜我快樂神是最好
平凡人亦感受到
有主愛著我自豪
麻煩奇事都可交托只管專心在禱告
只雖要用愛禱告
奇妙就臨到
你睇 “恩典o黎啦”
基督呀，誰都感激您
我深覺自豪

Not again!

look the the middle portion of my personality chart....

Metaphor I


"After certain volumen of intake, you must produce enough output to the society and you cannot keep it to your own. However, you did not know if your input is helpful for you unless you judge your product by seeing if it is emerging to the surface or simply sinking. Since the input/output process is a life-long one, we must constantly examinate our product and check how solid and firm it is. Then we can divert our intake to make a better product.

One final word, do not always take other's product as input. Just devour output from others and reproduce the same substance is meaningless."

If you are wondering what we are talking aobut, we are talking about "Education" here.

Kitchenware

I could use one of these