Peace in my heart, ... but from where?

There are times in our lives that we are not confused nor troubled. We experienced peace and we are contented. However, I read this today when I am doing my QT. Quoted from Oswald Chambers in his My Utmost for his highest:

"There are times in our lives when our peace is based simply on our own ignorance. But when we are awakened to the realities of life, true inner peace is impossible unless it is received from Jesus."

How true it is that sometime we are just ignorant and treat it as the peace Jesus gave. Just because we are lazy, or not striving forward, we do not want to deal with our own problems and weakness so we ignore them. Being idle (in mind or in action) is not a sin (..I guess), but sometime it is a symptom of some hidden sins, most likely laziness, or being lukewarm towards God. Of course, the peace is disturbed when others rebuke us.

Especially ignorance of our own sins, I guess it is the most common mistakes we made. We know that God has mercies. However, every sin has its consequences no matter how small, or how unrelated to others, or how hidden it is. Did you leak out a secret to others without someone's permission? Did you sit in front of the computer and surf on some websites you shouldn't read? Did you speak of someone else without respecting him/her and the truth, i.e. gossiping? Of course we have our Jesus to pay for our price, but usually people just skip the seriousness of sins and then ignore the sin. Paul said,

"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?" Romans 6:1

Are we doing that? Really, that is a question we usually skipped although we know that we are sinners and we know God paid for the price and we are forgiven. But, are we living a life with sins without repentance and using Jesus's death as a token to pay off our fines? Is our life goals pleasing God, loving God, and glorifying God?

Do we just have the peace that is NOT from Jesus because we ignore our sin, ignore God, ignore God's ultimate purpose on us (We all have the same one, you don't know what this goal is?).

Ebenezer

"不思量。自難忘。...塵滿面，鬢如霜。夜來幽夢忽還鄉。...明月夜，短松岡。"

Time flies, I have left Hong Kong for ten years, remembering the flight at that time was on 19 Aug 1996. At that time, I still remember that I cried at the Seattle airport like a baby when I called home. I really did say "I wanted to go home NOW" when waiting for the connection to Illinois. Still remember that when my flight landed at Urbana-Champaign, I was shocked by the emptiness of the place. Namely, within 100 miles of surrounding, it was pitch dark (10pm) and I did not see any light or buildings. Strong fear creeped me in such a deserted place. "How many months does it take for them to discover my corpse if I died?" I wondered. Thoughts are always about if I had made a wrong decision to leave HK.

"今天我寒夜里看雪飄過
懷著冷卻了的心窩飄遠方
風雨里追趕霧里分不清影蹤
天空海闊你與我可會變(誰沒在變)
多少次迎著冷眼與嘲笑
從沒有放棄過心中的理想
一剎那恍惚若有所失的感覺
不知不覺已變淡心里愛(誰明白我)" 海闊天空 Beyond.

So many times I sat by the windows (I don't mean MS Windows), watching the snowflakes falling with a hot ... not chocolate, usually noodles or my self-cook mono meal, wondering what am I doing here. Sometime with tears, and later learned to have silly smile by myself.

"從前傻頭小子　現已大個更深近視
但已練成能往心內奔馳
而旁人仍不歡　罵我自滿以心做伴
但我任人胡說　只是旁觀"

Ebenezer, "Hitherto hath the LORD helped us".

Thank God for all the providence and love, guidance and discipline, protection and giving me a lot of loving friends. The changes and molding for my personality are totally different if I stayed in Hong Kong.

Well, I don't know how well I have been doing for these ten years. I hope I won't break down.

After ten years in Moab, Ruth and Naomi went back to Israel when all the husbands died. (Ruth 1:4)
After ten years in Canaan, Abram could not wait anymore and took Hagar to have Ishmael. (Gen 16:3)

What is the goal for the next ten years?

Birthday Resolutions

1. Give thanks to God more, complain less
2. Praise God's goodness more, request less
3. Serve more, idle less
4. Care more, anger less
5. Think + feel more, yield less
6. Others more, self less
7. Trust more, worry less